Confession: I Have JOMO.
Photo by Milan Popovic on Unsplash
You may have heard of the phrase “FOMO”, meaning “Fear of Missing Out.” Sometimes relating to children resisting bedtime because they don’t want to miss out on the fun. Or, extroverted teenagers feeling like they are missing out of the things they see their friends doing on Instagram. I don’t suffer from this condition at all. Rather, I have something called JOMO, which stands for “Joy Of Missing Out.”
As an introverted person, I remember many times feeling secretly relieved when someone had to unexpectedly cancel plans. In a noisy, busy, crowded world, where everybody wants to be “part of it all”, I want the very opposite.
The idea is not to be a hermit and never have social engagements, but rather in finding contentment in simply doing less. The Italians have a saying, “Dolce Far Niente” which translates to “the sweetness of doing nothing.” I wonder how many of us know how to do “nothing” anymore? It seems like there is always something to keep us busy. Almost everyone I talk to speaks about how “busy” their schedules are. Did you ever stop and ask why? Why are we so busy and are the engagements we are busying ourself with even meaningful and worthwhile? Do they align with our values and vision for our life? And, if they do, are we taking time outside of those commitments to rest?
In modern society, we live in a “hustle” culture that tells us if we are not being productive or if we don’t block off our schedules every week with events and gatherings and work that we will somehow miss out on life. In reality, nothing could be further from the truth. If we live in such a way that we are too busy to stop and notice and question and ponder, we miss out on the time to simply live. Our ancestors understood this. People used to be a lot less busy. They sat in their living rooms and drank tea and read or just talked about life. Meal times were sacred and they were generally much more okay with having less to do. They sat in solitide to have the time to actually feel and think. I think we are so distracted, we don’t even take time to contemplate anymore. Great minds used to spend copious amounts of time contemplating the mysteries of the universe. They read great books and spent time in nature and discussed significant topics. But most importantly what they had in their lives was margin. The space in between work and engagements to devote time to just be.
1 Thessalonians 4:11 says, “...make it your ambition to live a quiet life and work with your hands.” Isn’t that beautiful? We have a painting in our kitchen with that very verse because I always want to be reminded of the slow and simple life I desire to live. Jesus displayed a perfect example of the balance between work and rest. In Luke 5:16, it says, “But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.”
Sometimes I think people are so busy even if they don’t want to be because they feel guilty saying no. Let’s decide that we are not going to be those kinds of people. If guilt is your motivator for being involved with something or someone, you should say NO. We think we are being kind, but we are actually just not being genuine. In Hannah Whitall Smith’s book “The Christian’s Secret of a Happy Life” she states: “God’s promise is, that He will work in us to will as well as to do of His good pleasure. This, of course, means that He will take possession of our will, and work it for us, and that His suggestions will come to us, not so much commands from the outside, as desires springing up within. They will originate in our will; we shall feel as though we wanted to do so and so, not as though we must. And this makes it a service of perfect liberty; for it is always easy to do what we desire to do, let the accompanying circumstances be as difficult as they may.”
If that sentiment is true, and I believe it is, then I think we may have the act of serving all wrong. Serving or saying YES to others should never feel like something we feel obligated to do, but something we desire to do.
Maybe you think I’m a weirdo, and you are keeping your calendar as it is, to that I say “to each their own” but as for me I will be home tonight, drinking tea, listening to the flicker of a candle, thinking about how happy I am to be home because of how chaotic the world is “out there.”
“Rest is not idleness. And to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.”
